Saturday, November 29, 2008


It's been so insanely long since I've written anything. And so much has changed. I have a job, a house, bills, a PAN card, a boss and all the headaches that I longed for for so long. And yet at the very core, it's still all the same. It's strange really how that seems to happen.

You know, at times I feel like a sponge. I feel like everything I know and say on a superficial basis is something that I have 'absorbed' in the recent or not-so-recent past. The things I say, the way I say it all seem so borrowed when I'm with most people. It's really strange to think about it, but when I'm on my own I almost always end up feeling like that same 9 year old. Loud, innocent, dying to please and essentially very lost. I can't really describe the feeling but for the fact that I always end up feeling like I need someone to take care of me. It's scares me now. At 23 that sense of wanting to be taken care of is... I don't know, disappointing?

I always loved super-hero movies, sports movies, adventure movies. My favourite story ever written is The Preacher by Garth Ennis. All of these stories have this one central character. The lone man, who has to face his inner demons and stand up for what is right and protect the people that he loves. The ultimate patriarch. The man that invented the image of being "A Man". 

That man I read about or watch on screen somehow manages to deal with all of it and still have time for glorious one-liners and making his woman feel like she's protected and cared for. Now I end up wondering, between dealing with his job (which in his case might he hunting down and dealing with the bad guys) and the one-liners; he has to do the laundry, take a bath, pay his bills/deal with money, deal with traffic, check his mail, clean his house, stay fit, watch his diet, think about where his life is going, sleep (!), take a dump, shave everyday (one once every 3 days to maintain the stubble) and buy groceries. 

How does the stud adult man do it?

I'm really stunned at the amount of professionalism and commitment that all working men show everyday of their working lives. I don't even want to think about how crazy it must be for women. No really, I can't even wrap my head around male adulthood. I'm right about worshipping every mother and woman I know.

A lot of times I wonder if I'm a slacker. Or if I'm just not ready to be an adult. Or if I'm in denial and therefore being a careless idiot. Or I'm just learning. All I know is I'm dying for a shortcut. 

And that if I get it. I shouldn't take it.


Apurba Kundu said...

Not so constipated anymore;)
keep posting !

Vimal said...

love your blog, bro.

you remind me of someone i once knew.. a fakir who wore sunscreen and meditated on the himalayas. It was the ultraviolet rays, he said.

Anonymous said...

I'll reach adulthood about the same time as I become "normal". Which is to say, probably never.

Does one even notice all those little responsibilities after a while?

Berhael said...

Wait till you get to fatherhood :P

Angel said...

You're right about not taking the shortcuts :)

Good to read something from you again! Keep writing.

sneha raj said...

When I cribbed about the same to my seniors, all they said was "Life s like that" but the post feels just so me :(


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