Tuesday, July 19, 2005

The Orkut Chronicles

I know all you dipshits are on orkut. Well so am I.

That said, it immediately implies that I have been infected. Soon I shall de-evolve at an exponential rate until all that is left of me is a pile of worthless, gooey, steaming pile of dung-like, sedimentary brain matter which is incapable of any sort of individuality. My IQ will then drop below that of Mr.George Bush's flaccid weener and I will only just stop short of making statements like, "We will smoke Osama out." *shudder* OH THE INHUMANITY!

I will of course make a valiant effort to save the universe by inviscerating orkut on paper before I do so. It's the least I can do for mankind.

So here goes. This is what I spotted on orkut yesterday.

Community Name: This is not a community
Community Owner: A SOD!

The very last word in oxymorons ladies and gentlemen. This community is where the so called "witty" guys congregate to discuss earth shattering issues like, "Katrinaz da babe man!" and "Would you kiss the person above you?". And they do so under the pretense of having a heller-esque spin on their weltanschauung. This is probably how the conversation went between the community founder and the first invitee.


Stupid Orkut Devotee (SOD) 1: Hiiiiiiii yaar! ur prfil is 2 kewl! Cn v b frnz?

SOD 2: Yo mn! YO! bt onlie if u join my new cmmuniti

*SOD 1 goes to the aforemnentioned community, has multiple orgasms at the sight of the name and exclaims!*

SOD 1: Wow! dood! This iz nt a community!

SOD 2: No no, it iz a community.

SOD 1: Wt?

SOD 2: Huh? This iz nt a comuniti is a comuniti.

SOD 1: eh wt ya? wt u said me?

Me: *Franctically searches for a pair of really sharp scissors*

The scissors would be jammed up my own colon. In the vain hope that the blinding pain would take my mind off the complete and total self-destruction of humanity. We have lost ladies and gentlemen, we have lost.

*Fades away to a chorus of "Bad, Bad, Kini, No donut for U!" sung to the tune of any britney spears number* sigh!

P.S: This post is dedicated to hil. Oh, Whatever, Nevermind brother.

Monday, July 18, 2005

I just saw a community on orkut for students of Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan.

Apparently it's a community for global bhavanites... or... brace yourself... *drumroll*... GLOBHAVANITES.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you humanity after orkut.

P.S: sob.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


I’m blank… a thoughtless void. The feeling of being drained not because of fatigue but just because of feeling nothing, a nothing so intense, so confusing and so debilitating that I don’t quite know what to make of it myself. A feeling so unadulterated, it seems to grip my mind like a vice. Wearing me down, slowly grinding the veneer of sanity off the surface of my consciousness.

It’s probably only the result of an overload of thought…a nothing that can be formed only by the elimination of thought by its excess. A nothing that’s not unlike the feeling of being immersed in oil.

The feeling renders me deaf, to activity, to grief, to life… it’s muffled, dead, like the sound of the evening on a graveyard just after it’s rained and the clouds have suddenly lifted. You want to think but you’ve thought about so many things so many times that it only seems like an exercise in futility. It’s so terribly cold in here. The lethargy, the mindlessness, oh god, insanity is such a relentless monster.

The grimace on my face couldn’t possibly tell the story like I want it to. There are times when lucid consciousness shines through. But mostly, it’s murky waters. Its amusing, ironic even, that I seem to be suffering from fatigue because I’ve been doing too much of nothing.

I fear nothing... I really do.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Wish you were here

We first met a long time ago, a time when I was just a boy. Thoughts would swirl about in my head with such a pace it would sometimes make my head spin. Uncertainty drenched each conscious moment. But an identity that was being sculpted for me with every passing second... what a time it was! She was something else... the way she moved in that lazy gait, dragging her feet as she walked, kicking the scattered pebbles on the road back absently.

She smiled, she understood and she listened. God that smile. She was everything I thought a woman should be and more. We talked about everything from music to life, shared hours on the phone that felt like nothing more than a few instants. I’d spend the rest of the day in a state of beatific satisfaction and yet at the same time pine for that little more, one more second of her angelic voice. All the words I can think of seem dreadfully bland whenever I try to describe those days.

She didn’t know this but with everyday that she would listen to me, she was saving my life, dragging me more and more back into the battle I wanted to fight so desperately. The uncertainty and fear that threatened to consume me waned when she was around, she was the light, and she was the colour in my world, that spark that lit every other aspect of my life ablaze with passion. Darn, I even started liking mushy love songs…

And then one day, when all the battles had been fought and won. When the dust had only just settled. When the boy had just about begun to grow up and live and smile… She packed up and left.

Funny how curveballs can come straight out of left field eh?

“Life’s like that” said me dad.

Is it really?

"Oh, how I wish
How I wish you were here...
We're just two lost souls, swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year.
Running over the same old ground, having found,
The same old fears.
Wish you were here."

That song always makes me smile and cry and the same time. Wonder how pink floyd knew. *chuckles and shakes head*

The Gates of Dawn

"Come on, I hear you're feeling down
Yeah I can ease the pain...
Get you on your feet again..."

I woke up one morning. Bent, broken and all but alive. I haven't woken up since. Where did everyone go?

"I took a look but it was gone,
I cannot put my finger on it now,
The child has grown, the dream is gone,
And I?"

I don't want to be comfortably numb.

The Good Life

“To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest of places. To pursue beauty to it’s lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.”

Arundhati Roy [The End of Imagination]

My ode:

To respect thought. To live life. To maintain a sense of pride with dignity. To accept oneself. To smile. To always start everyday like you meant it to happen. To make this world what it ought to be. To become what you ought to be. To honour the opinion of others. To always remember your roots. And to never, ever lose hope.

P.S:Marry me arundhathi.


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